Ok hope you have your fitbit on and your favourite mix pumping cause you may sweat! Below are 3 exercises that I recommend for people looking to explore and redesign what sex looks like.
The Power/Pleasure Matrix Exercise
The four square exercise is a fun exercise that you can do with your partner to explore power and control within a sexual context. This is something that I encourage you to try with your partner and to set some time aside afterwards to talk about what it was like for you (it could be the next day). For the four square method, first of all, you’re going to need an alarm clock (it can be on your cell phone or anything else that tells time). You’re going to agree on a set amount of time.
There are four different phases in this exercise, so if you pick ten minutes, it’s going to be 40 minutes, if you pick five minutes, it’s going to be twenty minutes, and if you pick 2 minutes it’s going to be 8 minutes. Next you are going to figure out who is going to be A and who is going to be B. I encourage you to have something fun, it could be the person that has a birthday closest to the date that you’re trying it out, or the person that has the shortest hair; and what you’re going to do is pick an A and a B. A is going to set the alarm or the timer for whatever time you choose, let’s say ten minutes. This is a conscious consensual exchange of power.
A is going to please B, the way A thinks B wants to be pleased. Do that for ten minutes and when the alarm goes off, switch. Now it’s B’s turn. B pleases A the way B thinks A wants to be pleased. Do this for 10 minutes, then switch again. On this turn, A is going to please B, but B is going to tell A how they want to be pleased. Play for ten minutes, then switch. B will then please A, and A will tell B how they want to be pleased.
Here is an exercise to get you out of your head and into your body and connected:
1). Touch your partner or yourself with your hand (non sexually).
2). Rather than focusing on touching yourself or your partner, focus on how their/your body (the area you are touching) is touching the pads of your finger tips.
3). The key here is to touch as slowly and lightly as you can (you might even experience your fingers as being clumsy).
4). Advanced steps can be touching with different parts of your body, touching sexually, telling your partner “meet me here”. All of these techniques can elevate the level of connection and pleasure.
Pleasure Mapping (I learned about pleasure mapping from a great colleague Charlie Glickman):
This is a fun exercise where you map out your body or your partner’s body from head to toe, finding other parts that create sexual pleasure:
1). Set aside some time an hour minimum
2). This is not time to strive for that amazing orgasm, and if it happens along the way that’s great! This is about getting information about what feels good for your body.
3). Get creative, try that pleasure product, stimulate that body part you never have
4). Get a little turned on, let yourself go, enjoy yourself. It’s ok. 😉
5). Give feedback, rate things on a scale of 1-10. 10 being don’t stop doing that to 1…… maybe we should watch Netflix…..and not chill.
6). Receive feedback, you are not being evaluated as a lover, it is the technique that is being evaluated. Let go of your ego, it’s about pleasure don’t take things personally.
If you are wondering what things you could try… Never fear! Your sex menu is here!
Many things may come up from this exercise: new learnings, new fun, new understanding, new areas where you can learn and grow together. Again, communication is fundamental to a great relationship, so have a conversation with your partner afterwards and share about what you liked, didn’t like, what you learned, and so on. Get you work out on and keep creating great sex!
For more great exercises and techniques to catapult you to the best sex of your life invest in yourself and pick up a copy of my book here.
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
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