Outercourse is non-penetrative sexual activity. Includes touching, kissing, sex toy use, oral stimulation, erotic massage etc. Basically, anything that does not include penetration. For many of us our sexual pattern looks something like kissing, touching, over clothes, touching under clothes, clothes come off, hand job, oral sex, penetrative sex, mutual orgasm and then sleep. You can see this script being followed by thousands of movies, books and let’s face it porn (with some variations on the latter depending the genre that floats your boat).
The interesting thing here is that always following the steps to that “sex dance” can be detrimental to your overall sex life for the following reasons:
- It can get boring. Even if you really like this type of sex you can get tired of it (after eating your favourite meal every day for a month you will be sick of it). That’s why the “how do I spice things up” is such a common question.
- It may not be what brings the most pleasure to you or to your partner
- It limits you ability to connect sexually when dealing with injury, illness or surgery impede the “regular” sexual pattern or functioning of your body
- It can stifles sexual creativity and fun
- There is such a focus on the mechanics of sex, pressure to perform in a particular way, we can forget why we have sex
You may be asking yourself. What the heck does he mean with the last point? Let me explain. Sex is a vehicle for connection, fun, pleasure, intimacy, vulnerability, love or any other adjective that accurately captures why you have sex. When we get caught up in what it looks like and focus on that we can forget why we have sex in the first place. It’s kind of like having a car to take you from point A to point B and never getting to point B because you are worried about the colour, the tire pressure, or god forbid if that red engine light starts to flicker on and off indicating something is wrong.
I encourage you to rethink what your sex looks like and get sexually creative. Not just thinking about outercourse as getting ready for intercourse but a whole new fun, sexy world to explore. Intercourse does not have to be the main course.
If you are looking for some ideas check out my sex menu here http://drdewit.com/sex-menu/. Or you can check out the porn site tubegalore.com and on the right hand side there are thousands of different topics for you to choose from (be forewarned this is mainstream porn created from and for the male view).
Sex can look like anything you want. It does not have to include penetration. There are new pleasures and sexual proclivities that excitingly await you. Embrace them and yourself and fill your boots!
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
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