Consider for a moment that you live in a box. By box, I mean a consistent way of relating to yourself. Most people identify living in a box with couples who having been together for a long time, and their sex is stale. That could be the case, or if you are single, bisexual, or swinging you can also be living in a box. Who you are sexually is a construction. The box that you have constructed is not necessarily bad. It was created for a reason, and served you for a period of time (and may still be serving you), but it may also be limiting you.
People say they want their sex lives to change, but they’re often not prepared to change anything in their sex lives. Guess what? That doesn’t work! When individuals or couples begin to make changes, they often begin by looking at the first limits (walls) of their box, i.e. changing who you have sex with, changing what you are doing (try something new), changing the time you have sex, and/or even changing where you have sex. All of these variations are often explored in many different texts and these are great ways to expand your sexual repertoire. However, I have found that exploring and expanding they whys and the hows can be just as fruitful, if not more rewarding.
Take a moment and think about 6 (six sides of a box) things (beliefs) that limit you sexually. They may be thoughts you have about yourself, sex in general, your partner(s). Once you have them, think about how maybe one or two of those beliefs are preventing you from having the sex you want in your life. What would it take for you to break down one of those walls? What would be possible if you gave up that belief.
The walls we construct are not inherently bad. At one point in your life that wall was necessary/important to support you/protect you/produce the results you wanted in your life. However, now you are at a different place in your life and that wall is no longer supportive of what you want in your life. It may even be preventing you from having the sex you want in your life.
Take a look at your box. Does it still serve you? If not take it apart.
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
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