Time and time again, study after study after study, when people are surveyed and are asked what is the most sexy attribute or characteristic that a partner can have? Or, what do you find most attractive in a partner? Confidence. It’s always at the top of the list! When it comes to sex, developing a strong sense of self-confidence involves really embracing who you are and who you are not. Learning to love and accept yourself for who you are, and being confident in that is one of the most important things I tell my clients.
As much as sex is a physical experience and it’s important for us to be in our bodies and not in our heads during the actual act of sex, before we actually get to that sex act, sex happens in our heads. We ask ourselves a myriad of questions! Are we comfortable? Are we safe? Do we trust the person? Is my butt too big? Etc. etc. etc.
Remember: your partner is not looking at all the flaws what you think you have! They want to be with somebody who is confident in their own skin! Your partner is looking for you to be confident in your own skin so then they can be comfortable with you.
In a previous blog, I talked about the importance of understanding and rewriting your sexual blueprint (http://drdewit.com/2017/03/what-is-your-sex-blueprint/). Developing self-confidence in yourself as a sexual being can start there. If anyone ever tells you that who you are, what you do, or what you like wrong or bad, that is a clear indication that this is not a person who is a match for you! There is no set rule or expectations about who you are supposed to be sexually. There is no right way, there is no wrong way: there is just your way! Let go of your self-doubts and get out of your head!
All these things going on in your head can have a huge impact on your self-confidence. The trick to overcoming these doubts and fears is learning to appreciate them by acknowledging them and then dealing with them powerfully so you can overcome them and connect with your partner and/or partners, the way that you want to! That is the script that is running your life that you’re reading off–stop reading that script and rewrite it! Ask yourself: What do you want to have? What do you want to do? What do you want to say? You are in control of your life. There are no rules. Do what works for you!
For example, if you are experiencing challenges in how your body responds in a sexual interaction take some time and ask yourself if you are stressed, anxious or angry? By dealing with those underlying emotions and concerns you’ll find that more often than not your sexual response will fall in line with what you want. Remember your brain is your most powerful sexual organ and great sex happens between your ears before it happens between your legs!
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
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