We are great at talking to one person about our sex life. Do you know who that person is? It’s Ourself! That voice in your head is constantly going. It’s constantly judging and assessing. Sex happens between our ears, long before it happens between our legs. We’re up in our head, we’re making up stories, and trying to rationalize things. We’re trying to figure things out, and it doesn’t work! Stop talking to yourself and start talking to your partner! Get out of your head.
In previous blogs, I’ve mentioned the benefit of using the L.I.T.A. technique and you can find out more about it by clicking here http://wp.me/p7LqK7-4v. But, what I want to focus on in this post is the importance of self-acceptance. When it comes to sex, there is no right way, there is no wrong way: there is just your way! If anyone tells you that who you are, what you do, or what you like is wrong or bad, that is a clear indication that this is not a person who is a match for you. There is no set rule or expectation about who you are supposed to be sexually. There is just what works for you!
So, stop talking to other people! Your best friend is a really great person and they’re there to help you and to listen to you, but talking to them isn’t going to make a difference in your sex life! The person that is going to make a difference in your sex life is your partner, or partners. Talk to them! Tell them the conversations that you’re having in your head. Get them out of your head and deal with them with your partner. Use the L.I.T.A technique. You’re the one sharing the most intimate, sacred moment with your partner, start having conversations with them.
When you are with your partner, communication is so important. Communication is the fundamental tenet of great sex! When you are having sex, check in with your partner to make sure they are enjoying themselves. This doesn’t have to show up like a job interview, and you don’t have to analyze what’s going on. It’s a wonderful thing to just say does that feel good? Do you like this? Do you want more of this? Do you like it when I do this? Don’t be afraid to ask questions–the more the better! You don’t have to have it all figured out!
Check in and make sure you’re both on the same page, or you’ll risk them checking out! If you don’t check in, you run the risk of your partner not being comfortable. Check in with your partner as part of your natural sexual play, and that will help you along in having the sex you want, having that sex be pleasurable for both you and your partner!
However, I’ve said this before, and I will say it again, at different times in our lives, we are all going to come up against sexual issues and challenges. The first step in addressing these issues is to talk to your partner but if you continue to struggle, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help. There are people; there are organizations, and experts out there to help you. It’s nothing to be ashamed of! Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your questions and to explore how I can support you!
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
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