Come on, admit it! Who doesn’t like to orgasm? Of all the conversations we have about sex, orgasiming is perhaps one of the most common topics. There’s a lot of information about this phenomenon out there—some of it good and some of it bad—and it’s not always easy to separate fact from fiction with comes to climaxing. In particular, there seems to be a lot of misinformation out there about the experiences of women in this regard. So, in this blog we are going to tackle one of the biggest areas of sexual misconception out there: the female orgasm. The exotic, seemingly elusive and enigmatic female orgasm. Do you think you know all about it? Keep reading and find out!
Myth # 1: An orgasm is given to you by someone else
Sorry folks! This simply isn’t true! An orgasm shouldn’t be thought as a ‘gift’ or something you receive from your partner(s). Instead, orgasms should be thought of as an experience that you SHARE with your partner(s). If it were as easy as “giving” someone an orgasm, with the holiday season rapidly approaching I would wrap up a bunch of orgasms and give them to everyone I know (would make for one heck of a secret Santa gift). Knowing how your body works, what turns you on, what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, and what you’re capable, regardless of your relationship status, helps you make better decisions about the type of sex you want to have with other people. The longest, most satisfying sexual relationship you will ever have is with yourself! No one will ever know your body as well as you do and that’s one of the reasons why we should all explore more!
Moreover, research shows that more than 70% of women have difficulty achieving orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm and pleasuring yourself can be a great way to discover what works for you and then you can share this information with your partner(s) which in turn will create a better sexual experience for both of you! Or include it the next time you are with your partner.
Myth #2: Everyone can orgasm. You just have to try harder
Not everyone has the ability to orgasm! In certain cases, the inability to orgasm can be caused by underlying medical and health conditions and might even be the result of a condition known as anorgasmia. Anorgasmia is a type of sexual issue in which a person cannot achieve orgasm despite adequate stimulation. Often, this condition is classified as a psychiatric disorder but can also be caused by medical conditions such as multiple sclerosis, pelvic trauma, hormonal imbalances, spinal cord injury, and even cardiovascular disease.
The main symptom of anorgasmia is the inability to achieve sexual climax and there are three types. First, primary anorgasmia is when someone has never experienced an orgasm (and is significantly more common in women). Secondary anorgasmia is a condition in which someone has difficulty reaching orgasm even though they have had one before. Third, situational anorgasmia is the most common and it occurs when you can only orgasm during specific situations, such as during oral sex or masturbation.
Addressing this condition can vary. And, while the cause might always be medical it is always a good idea to go and get checked out and make sure everything is working as it should be! Once your doctor has ruled out any medical conditions or concerns, you can start to address any emotional or psychological issues contributing to this condition.
In particular, in cases of situational anorgasmia it is often useful to think about what type of environment you need to create in order to experience an orgasm. Honesty, Respect and Safety form the Triad of Trust, these three factors that can have a huge impact on your ability to orgasm. If you are missing any of the three factors in the situation where you cannot orgasm, I recommend looking at what it would take to create a trusting and comfortable environment.
Myth # 3: A woman has to orgasm in order to enjoy sex
According to a large-scale survey of North American adults, women have about one orgasm for every three a man experiences. Traditionally, this gap has been explained by suggesting that women’s bodies are somehow bad at orgasms (thanks, Freud). While this theory has largely been debunked, many women continue to believe that not having an orgasm means something bad. Not true!
Instead, let’s take a moment to think about how we view sex—how we understand it and how we define. More often than not, many of us believe that ‘good’ sex has to end with orgasms! Big, loud, over the top and moments where you see God orgasm. Well, you can thank the porn industry for that! In reality, the sexual experiences that you are creating with your partners shouldn’t be about that end goal. Instead, I invite you to think about sex as a way to connect with each other and create a positive experience for both of you. This hyper focus on orgasm can rob you of enjoying and connecting with your partner. So sit back, relax and enjoy the ride, don’t worry about the destination.
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
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