So, what’s the story about kink? With the proliferation of internet porn and the popularity of the “50 Shades of Grey” books and movies, people, now more than ever, are clamouring to learn more, explore more, and experiment more with the “dark arts” (i.e. kink). Do you find yourself asking am I kinky? Am I erotic? Or, just am I just a pervert? Well, it really depends on who you ask! So, how do you know if you’re kinky? And, what does that mean? Well, let’s take a moment to shed some light on the topic and break kink down into its most basic state.
Kinkiness is often used to refer to ‘unconventional’ sexual practices, concepts or fantasies. But, what does ‘unconventional’ mean? Simply put, it means something new or different…yup, that’s it! Kink is something new—it’s as simple as that! Take a moment and think about it: if you wanted to try spanking your partner for the first time, I would assert that it would be kinky for you. It’s a sexual practice that goes beyond what you consider to be ‘normal’ sexual practice. It’s new, it’s exciting and if it’s done right could be a means of heightening the intimacy between you and your partner! However, if you have been spanking your partner(s) for 5, 10 or 15 years, that actions will lose its kink as it has become part of your regular sexual repertoire. So, in many ways the terms ‘kinky’ and ‘kink’ are subjective! And, because of its relation to ‘normal’ sexual boundaries, which themselves are constantly shifting and changing, the definition of what is and is not kink varies widely as well.
If you would for a moment indulge me—imagine three people walking into a cocktail party and meeting each other for the first time. After a few drinks (or more!), the topic turns to sex. Person A shares that they recently tried something kinky and had their partner tie them up. Upon hearing this story, person B gasps and immediately classifies person A as a pervert. However, person C has a glint in their eyes and shares that they think that what person A has described is erotic. Next, the conversation moves on to the topic of exploring with sex toys and person B says that they do and find it quite hot. However, now Person A is aghast and declares that only a pervert would that while Person C thinks it’s kinky…you get my point!
The moral of the story is that we all have different perceptions and comfort levels when it comes to sex and different ways we can connect with our partner(s). Who is right? Again, it depends on who you ask and I invite you to consider that you are right in your own assessment of what you are comfortable with and enjoy—as long as it works for you and your partner(s) feel free to indulge! Don’t worry about what other people think! After all, what you do with what’s between your legs is only your business and the business of your partner(s).
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
- 0 Comments