I host seminars around Toronto focusing on different topics. One of the things I am most passionate about is communication. Of all the amazing things we can do with our mouths when it comes to sex. Communicating is the sexiest.
Notice how I didn’t say talking but communicating. Talking is something that we all do… probably too much of (myself included). Talking can be a one way street. How many times have you tuned someone out when they are talking to you? How many times have you been formulating your response rather than listening to what they are saying.
Communicating, on the other hand, is when two or more parties are relating to each other through verbal and non verbal mediums. Communication is actually “getting” or “understanding” what the other person is saying.
When we communicate about sex it can be a scary thing. Having “the talk” with our partner/s can cause anxiety and fear of judgement. A quick and easy tool that I developed to ease this process. (Enter LITA stage right).
Sounds like a cool name…… but it is much more than that.
LITA is an acronym that stands for LIKE/LOVE, IMPORTANT, THOUGHTS, ASK. And many of the participants have found following this technique has allowed them to bring up and sort through concerns and issues – not just those sexual in nature.
So when starting a conversation start with:
LIKE/IMPORTANT – share something that you like or love about the person or the relationship
IMPORTANT – share with them what is important to you or what you are committed to for the future
THOUGHT – share the thought/concern/topic that is on your mind
ASK – ask if they are open to having this conversation now and ask them for their thoughts on the topic
This goes a long way to put people at ease and opens up a conversational space.
This is not a manipulation or trick, as always communication should be an honest expression of who you are.
That is all from this Toronto Sexologist.
Until next time. Embrace and Explore.
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
- 0 Comments