I often get asked what a couple should do and expect when opening up a relationship. I thought I would share some of my thoughts. When sex help is needed. I am there!
1). Take things slow, baby steps are key, check in with each other often.
2). If you are exploring together (bringing a third person into the relationship), establish safe words that will stop, slow or accelerate the activity i.e. red, yellow, green
3). Set clear boundaries around communication: if/how one partner will share or indicate to the other partner they will be with someone else
4). Negotiate rules and agreements, what type of partners/sex is allowed outside of the primary relationship.
5). Establish a set time every month or two (or more often) to discuss how things are going, what is working, what is not working. This is not about making wrong or blaming this is an open conversation to work together to strengthen the relationship.
6). Be clear on the importance and benefits of the primary relationship and how it is supported by the tertiary relationship(s)
7). Discuss what “safer sex” means to you. Get clear on how STI’s are transmitted and what precautions will be taken.
1). It can be challenging, there will be some awkward and uncomfortable moments/conversations. Go there, have them. If not you risk resentment building.
2). Jealousy, it will more than likely be triggered. Take the time to understand why you are jealous. What is the root of that jealousy? Share your learning with your partner.
This is just a beginning but thought it would be a good addition to my sex blog. Feel free to contact me if you are interested in any more information.
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
- 22 Comments