Gentlemen, time and time again I am asked. How can I be a better lover? How can I get more sex? How can I ensure that I satisfy my partner? Much of the time guys are looking for a quick fix a tip or trick that will blow their partner out of the water…. I don’t have those answers….. or maybe I do ……… but that will come later.
I find the fundamental shift in guy’s mentality that provides them access to the sex that they want is……. yup taking care of their partner(s). That does not always equate to earth shattering orgasms that leaves your partner speechless and shaking…. those do help but if you can “Be the Bookends” then you are that much closer to having great sex.
You may be sitting there thinking what the heck do you mean by “Be the Bookends”? Lol. I sound like a Zen Master – I’m not. By bookends I am referring to the beginning and the ending of a sexual encounter.
By beginning I mean foreplay. The word “foreplay” is inaccurate in conveys that which comes “before play” – hence the combining of those two words to get “foreplay”. So we see it as something that we have to do to be able to play or get to the good or fun part. Even though I don’t like the word, for the purposes of this entry I will use foreplay (I have put on my to-do list create a synonym for foreplay).
If we slow things down and enjoy the beginning enjoy the anticipation the arousal and get your partner to the same level of excitement that you are at, you will be one step closer to great sex. And for the record, foreplay does not just mean the standard – making out and grabbing body parts, it can be hours or days in the making through texts, emails, pics, flirting etc.
So if foreplay is the bookend on the left, what is the right bookend? The right bookend is what I like to refer to as sexual aftercare. After you and your lover(s) have finished (whatever that looks like to you) spend sometime caring for your partner. Caressing, holding and talking. Check in with them ask how they are doing. Do not just go to sleep, or get up and leave. You can do this but I assure you this will not lead to better sex (unless it is an agreed up on turn on for you and your partner). Again sexual aftercare can continue to occur hours or days later you can send a text or message sharing what you liked, appreciated or turned you on.
So gents, take time before and after “the act” and you will get a more relaxed, trusting, happy partner and that naturally leads to better sex.
Be creative with your foreplay and sexual aftercare, remember when it comes to sex there is no right way, there is no wrong way, there is just your way.
- Posted by Dr. Stephen de Wit
- 4 Comments